He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize