She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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