i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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