Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
