for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
