can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
