Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
