Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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