Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
