I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
