How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
