The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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