I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
