Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
