Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
