im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
