Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
