I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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