Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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