dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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