Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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