You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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