I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
