I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I understand Curling. That high.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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