Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Michael Bay diarrhea
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
