we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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