he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
