i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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