failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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