I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
