I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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