I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
