Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
