I just gift wrapped bread.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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