I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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