Got a toothbrush?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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