if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
