My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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