Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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