There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
