I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
