I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
