dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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