neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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