why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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