i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
