sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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