Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
