I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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