i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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