He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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