dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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