Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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