i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize