dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
