woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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