shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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