Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
