It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
