i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dignity is for republicans.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
