The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize