the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
