I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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