did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
