I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
