He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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