What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
