anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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