Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
