so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
